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Sunday, October 03, 2004 

An imperfect window, but a window nonetheless

I was standing on the bus today with Joy, Ian, and Jer. We were on our way to the Vesta Lunch for a greasy breakfast after a long night of party havok held here and a too short period of sleep. Ian and Jer will probably disagree with me on the last. I guess they have a point, as it was noon.

I don't remember the context of her words, but at some point Joy pointed something out.

"Your blog has been depressing lately," she said.

She's right.

The important thing to remember is that while the entries may be depressing lately, I haven't been depressed. Granted, I haven't exactly been wandering around in a state of bliss either.

I've been quoted on a few blogs recently for something I wrote to Ian in an email. To put it in context, I had just started blogging again after nearly a month off. Ian had said in an email it was good that I was back at it.

I wrote:

It's odd. I think that blogging was keeping me sane and my outlook positive. I tended to work a lot of things out while blogging and to share the things that were good that were going on. When I wasn't blogging, it was too easy to focus on the rest of the stuff going on. Not all of which is happy. It's not that the water level in the glass was any different. It was all in how I look at the glass. For some reason, when blogging, I don't see it as half empty.

I'm a natural pessimist. But I spent a long time learning that my natural tendencies do not make for a cheerful existence. When things are going well, as they were about three months ago, it's easy to see the glass as half full.

When things aren't going well, like now, it's much more difficult. I've found that at times like these, I need to constantly work at not seeing the glass as half empty.

Blogging forces me to do that. The blogging I did last year changed the way I look at the world for the better. My mistake was in taking a break. I'm blogging again, so while things still aren't blissful, I'm fine. I'm dealing. The world isn't a dark and dreary place. This is where I remind myself that.