State of my world
Another great weekend is over and I'm back here.
There's a month left in the first year of my postgrad college program. I'm the college newspaper's crime reporter, our class magazine's production editor, a grudging participant in four of the five other courses we have this semester and a willing one in the fifth. I lack energy and motivation.
I'm not going to make it.
This isn't drama. It's simple truth. If I continue the way I have been, I will not make it through the term without ditching the whole thing or going nuts.
Want a reason? Take your pick. I've mentioned most of them here before. They all come down to two things: the where and the what. I'm not happy in the city and I'm not able to focus on the courses directly relevant to my career goals.
I've been neglecting my health and my friends in pursuit of something I thought mattered to me. Turns out it doesn't. This shouldn't surprise me since school was never anything more than a stepping stone across a river. A way of getting a job. Right now wading across seems more attractive.
The thing is I won't drop out before the end of term. I'm too stubborn. I'll gut it out. Which means I'll go nuts unless I change the way I've been doing things. I need to sleep more, exercise more, relax more and bitch less. Too bad there doesn't seem to be any time for that. However, I may have more time for the rest if I bitch less.
But while I won't leave before the end of the year, I make no guarantees after that. The way things look now, I'll be gone the minute I find a job doing what I want. That was the whole point, wasn't it?
There's a month left in the first year of my postgrad college program. I'm the college newspaper's crime reporter, our class magazine's production editor, a grudging participant in four of the five other courses we have this semester and a willing one in the fifth. I lack energy and motivation.
I'm not going to make it.
This isn't drama. It's simple truth. If I continue the way I have been, I will not make it through the term without ditching the whole thing or going nuts.
Want a reason? Take your pick. I've mentioned most of them here before. They all come down to two things: the where and the what. I'm not happy in the city and I'm not able to focus on the courses directly relevant to my career goals.
I've been neglecting my health and my friends in pursuit of something I thought mattered to me. Turns out it doesn't. This shouldn't surprise me since school was never anything more than a stepping stone across a river. A way of getting a job. Right now wading across seems more attractive.
The thing is I won't drop out before the end of term. I'm too stubborn. I'll gut it out. Which means I'll go nuts unless I change the way I've been doing things. I need to sleep more, exercise more, relax more and bitch less. Too bad there doesn't seem to be any time for that. However, I may have more time for the rest if I bitch less.
But while I won't leave before the end of the year, I make no guarantees after that. The way things look now, I'll be gone the minute I find a job doing what I want. That was the whole point, wasn't it?
