Pulling away: Part three
(Note: This post just keeps growing. For this one to make sense, you need to read the previous two.)
Christa left.
For reasons beyond the obvious ones, her being gone hurt me badly. I can't tell you what those reasons are because, to put it bluntly, they're not your business.
But what this meant was that when I was hurting the most, I had to refuse to talk to others to make myself feel better. I had to throw away the crutches.
Once I'd done that, talking to people about every little thing that bothered me just made me uncomfortable. I didn't need to do it anymore and doing it felt wrong. But not doing it also felt wrong. Until now that is.
I hadn't figured out why it felt wrong until writing this series of entries tonight. And I didn't figure it out until I stopped worrying about what to write to you and just started to write.
And now that I sit and think about this, I realize that it was this that the Code Project grew out of. And it was the Code Project that led me back to the mission.
None of this means that I'm not able to open up to those close to me. Just that when I do, it will be for the right reasons and not to use them as a crutch.
Okay, I'm done now.
Christa left.
For reasons beyond the obvious ones, her being gone hurt me badly. I can't tell you what those reasons are because, to put it bluntly, they're not your business.
But what this meant was that when I was hurting the most, I had to refuse to talk to others to make myself feel better. I had to throw away the crutches.
Once I'd done that, talking to people about every little thing that bothered me just made me uncomfortable. I didn't need to do it anymore and doing it felt wrong. But not doing it also felt wrong. Until now that is.
I hadn't figured out why it felt wrong until writing this series of entries tonight. And I didn't figure it out until I stopped worrying about what to write to you and just started to write.
And now that I sit and think about this, I realize that it was this that the Code Project grew out of. And it was the Code Project that led me back to the mission.
None of this means that I'm not able to open up to those close to me. Just that when I do, it will be for the right reasons and not to use them as a crutch.
Okay, I'm done now.
Also:
Some people are talkers, and some are not (to varying degrees, obviously). You, my friend, are not much of a talker. I don't mean that in any negative way. I am. I don't mean that in any positive way. So while we'll both encounter problems that we'll feel the need to talk about with others, and we'll both encounter problems we'd rather keep to ourselves, maybe the weight for you is on the latter and the weight for me is on the former?
But yeah, I know what you're saying about buying into the idea that's the societal norm and taking it to an extreme, etc.
Posted by
Ian |
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 12:23:00 p.m.