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Tuesday, March 16, 2004 

"Cry 'havoc' and let slip the dogs of war."

Mark Antony's words keep me awake tonight.

In the last week I've continued the Villainy Project, taking three television and movie villains as the prime examples of those villains who have more fun than anybody else around them. They are Angelus of Angel, Castor Troy of Face/Off and Tyler Durden of Fight Club.

I haven't posted on this much because I've been preoccupied with malfunctioning organs and hating my job. But, dear reader, the Villainy Project continued, if only in my mind. And here is its fruition.

(No, I'm not in a better mood than earlier today. This is my way of working through that mood.)

Principle one of this brand of villainy holds true for these three. That is, of course, don't give a fuck what other people think of you or what you do.

Principle two: find humour in every situation, even if its only a cynical, sarcastic kind of humour. Nothing is so bad that it can't be laughed at. Find a way to laugh at any situation.

Picture Angelus chuckling in his cage as he misses the end of the world.

Remember Castor Troy awakening to find he has no face and then laughing his ass off (after screaming, of course).

Think of Tyler Durden, his face a pulpy mess from Lou the mobster's fists, still cackling madly. "Please Lou, can we use your bar?"

Principle three: act in your own best interests. How can you have any fun if you're too busy saving the world? You can't! Because you're spending all your energy working for the dull stupid masses who will never notice your efforts, let alone thank you for your selfless deeds. So don't make them selfless deeds. Make them selfISH! And if your selfish deeds increase the good of the many as well as the good of the one, don't let that stop you. Who says villains are all bad?

Castor saved millions by defusing a bomb to make himself a hero and reap the rewards (never mind he set the bomb in the first place...).

Tyler had a blast plotting the end of corporate America. And not for the masses, but for himself because he hated corporate America.

And even Angelus killed the Beast and ended Armageddon (or was it the Apocalypse?) because it suited his purposes.

Decide what your interests are and pursue them without shame! After all, who gives a fuck what people think? (Remember principle one?)

Principle four: find a way to turn every situation to your advantage. I'd argue that this one follows naturally from the previous two. Finding the humour in every situation keeps you optimistic. Optimism in every situation plus an unflinching drive to pursue your own interests will give you an edge, letting you turn every situation to your advantage.

Got a pesky slayer out to drag you back and "re-ensoul" you and a Beast that wants you to be his bitch? No problem. Set them against each other and when the slayer's had her ass whupped, sneak up and kill the Beast. Problem solved.

Just woke up to find your face has been surgically removed? Hey, you're still alive. Quit yer bitchin'. And isn't that pink thing in a vat the face of your worst enemy? I smell an opportunity! (Or is that disinfectant?)

And how does Tyler react when he realizes he's a figment of Jack's imagination? Does he whither up and die? No! He has some fun with the poor bastard.

Principle five: be a little nuts. This one needs little explanation. You may think I should. But what does principle one tell me about what you think?

Principle six: have an evil plan. Whether it's tormenting the slayer bitch who loves you, stealing the life of that boring cop who stole your DAMN FACE or something so ominous it's only referred to as Project Mayhem, you can never do one thing. And that, of course, is share it with the audience until you're damn good and ready. Cryptic comments are alright. Example: fuck you second floor. Another example: Mark Antony's words keep me awake tonight.

Possible principle seven: a little melodrama never hurts.

(Okay, NOW I'm in a better mood.)